Have you ever felt like you knew what you were doing really needed to change, but…you just couldn’t?
This might be the most common problem that clients come to me for help with. They’re not happy with their lives, and they know it.
It’s like they’re in a tug of war with themselves. One end of the rope is where they are now. The other end is what they want.
Are you stuck?
When I talk to my clients, what I always find fascinating is they say they don’t know how to get what they want. But when I ask them how they would do it, they turn around and tell me the exact steps they know they have to take.
Does this sound familiar?
For example, one woman on TikTok told me in the dms that her partner is never there for her, and yet she said she didn’t know how to leave.
I pointed out that she knows how to pack up her stuff and walk out the door, get in the car, and drive to her sister’s. And she definitely knows what she wants and doesn’t want.
It’s not the “how” that’s tripping her up. It’s the fear of change.
She knows the choice she needs to make. But she’s unable to let go of her present because of the uncertainty of what might come next if she leaves.
It’s the fear that everything will be hard and that she’ll be all alone. That she’ll scar the kids with a divorce. That the people she knows would judge her for leaving such a “great guy.”
But the reality is, all of that is already happening. Everything is hard, already. She’s unhappy and lonely in her marriage right now. Her daughter knows mom and dad are unhappy. Even worse, she’s seeing that this is how a dad treats a mom, and she’s learning that that’s ok.
As for the people who would judge her for being single, they’re already judging her, because that’s what people like them do.
In fact, you could have everything perfect, and they’re the ones who would still find something to complain about, like how you’re an overachiever, or that you lead a charmed life.
I’m not saying that making the change is going to be pleasant, fun, or easy. Far from it.
What I’m asking you to do is look at what you’re doing. What is it costing you? What is the future that you’re sacrificing?
This is why you’re stuck
It’s human nature to fear the unknown future. So much so that we refuse to leave or change the familiar present, even when the current reality is terrible.
So we talk ourselves out of doing what we need to.
Part of it is because the current situation isn’t horrible enough, yet.
It’s still somewhat tolerable–we get really good at using our coping skills as Band-Aids.
We tell ourselves, “it’s not that bad. I should be grateful.” We try our best to be positive and ignore the fact that we’re not happy.
It’s a lot like when we buy a pair of shoes that look great in the store. But when we bring them home and put them on, we start getting blisters within the first hour. Every step is painful.
The shoes never fit quite right, no matter how much we try to make them fit.
If any of this is you, you are not alone.
Something that no one ever talks about is how there’s a momentum to stuckness. Just like forward movement creates momentum, so does being stuck. The longer we stay stuck, the harder it becomes to take the first step.
Logically, we know what we could be doing. But we don’t do it! How many times have you yelled at yourself, “why can’t I just do it?!”
Well, if it were that easy, no one would ever be stuck.
The truth is our emotions keep us paralyzed–especially fear–but most of us don’t know that. (Or we refuse to acknowledge it.)
This is why people work with therapists or coaches to get results.
How to get unstuck
They know they’re not happy, but they don’t understand themselves. They don’t understand what drives them, or what their needs are and how they’ve been unconsciously filling them.
And because they don’t see those things, they have no idea how they got here AND they don’t know how to get out.
A good therapist or a coach will help you figure this out so that you’re in control. Life doesn’t have to feel like it’s just happening to you.
Now, I know that some of you reading this will already be saying, “but but…”
“But Jule, I already tried working with a therapist, and it sucked. We didn’t vibe and he was pretty judgmental.”
I hear you. You’re not going to love all therapists just like you didn’t love every teacher in school. Have you tried looking for other therapists? Or working with a coach?
It might take awhile. One of my clients has worked with so many coaches before she found me. Now she won’t go with anyone else.
“But I can’t afford therapy or coaching.”
I know you have to pay your bills and keep your family fed. But there are free or very low-cost resources out there. There are newer coaches who are always looking for people to practice coaching on.
If you have health insurance, most plans cover therapy. A lot of companies also offer wellness benefits that will pay for part or even all of coaching.
Explore your options. Change has to start somewhere, with something.
How much is freedom and inner peace worth to you?
Remember, there are no guarantees. The only certainty is that nothing changes, if nothing changes.
You have the power to create the life you want.
You could have that dream job working in a company that values people.
You could create the financial wealth and independence you’ve always wanted.
You could have a loving partner who treats you with respect.
You could have friends who appreciate you for the treasure you are.
You could say what you really think and be unapologetically confident.
You could love yourself.
The life you want is waiting for you.
Get unstuck with a trained coach
If you‘re ready to make changes in your life and move forward, contact me. I‘m a certified life coach and I offer a free consult call where you can ask all of your questions. See if we vibe. Feeling comfortable with your coach is important if you‘re really going to work on yourself, and I want you to have the best experience possible.